Mother Figure
by MisatoKaji
Summary: An attempt to explore the complexities of parenthood, percieved and genuine, and my first multiple chapter story.


Standard disclaimer - the rights to the anime series, Shin Seiki Evangelion, are owned by Studio Gainax Animation. I claim no rights to their characters or concepts, and stress that this is a not-for-profit fan-fiction work. Further, I will remove this work from the Internet should Gainax request it.  
  
  
  
Mother Figure  
By Misato Kaji  
  
Part 1  
A Deal with God  
  
Christmas dawn, a sight only seen by the fortress city of Neo-Tokyo-3 nine times to date, broke crisp and clear. A fresh, clean breeze blew in off the mountains, flowing over the city and refreshing those who were awake to witness the rising of the Sun. Many hearts were lifted along with that glowing orb, feeling revitalized by its radiance, shining down on them through the scattered clouds still lingering from the night before.  
  
In one apartment building, located nearer the outskirts of town, a young man with brown hair slept with a semblance of peace. The night before had been uncertain, very nearly culminating with the boy's suicide, and he was weary. Three presents remained for him under the tree. Three presents that would now, thanks to the words of one individual, be opened.  
  
The boy let out a discontent groan as he felt someone shaking him.  
  
"Hey," a voice said urgently, "wake up!"  
  
Ikari Shinji groaned again, trying to pull away from the voice and the hand that was trying to rouse him, but he was not successful. Slowly, his eyes opened, and for a moment, panic set in. As discretely as he could, he reached under his pillow, sighing with some relief as his fingers closed on cold metal.  
  
His escape was still safe. He had not been discovered.  
  
"Asuka?" he rasped, finally turning his attention to the young woman leaning over him. "What's wrong?"  
  
Soryu Asuka Langley pursed her lips, frowning at the boy. "I think you should see this for yourself," she told him quietly.  
  
Shinji nodded, noticing that she was dressed casually in a pair of black jeans and a red longsleeve shirt.   
  
"Ok."  
  
He slid carefully from the bed, averting his eyes from the girl's intent gaze and quickly discarding the idea of throwing on more than the white tee shirt and sweats he slept in. Since the fall of the most recent angel, and his subsequent time in and recovery from Evangelion Unit 01, things in the apartment had been tense. Asuka rarely spoke to Shinji, and then it was often with the intent of telling him that he was no better than she, no matter what the sync scores said. Shinji did not blame her. After all, he thought of himself as the worst of the three pilots, again regardless of what the tests said. He had not been able to protect either of the other pilots from the horrors they endured, relying instead on Unit 01 in Berserk Mode, and had he not been so tired and worn from the prior evening, he might have found her quiet refreshing.  
  
There was a borderline, he realized suddenly, stealing a look at the girl as they exited his room, a borderline that Asuka was teetering on. He recognized it in her because he himself had nearly fallen into the precipice that waited on the other side of the line, ending his life to free those around him from the burden of his presence. He was not sure if Asuka's line was the same as his, or how close she stood to the brink, but he was aware of its being there.  
  
"Merry Christmas," he said suddenly, keeping his eyes downcast as they neared the kitchen.  
  
"Thank you," Asuka said quietly, "Merry Christmas to you too."  
  
It was a cold exchange, given out of the hatred of silence and replied to out of the desire to maintain the illusion of good manners. The two youths reached the entrance to the kitchen, and Shinji watched as Asuka slowly peered around the corner.  
  
"Ok," she told him, nodding to herself as she pulled back, "look - but don't let her see you, got it?" Shinji whispered that he would not, frowning as his nose picked up a strange scent. "Yeah," Asuka murmured, spotting his expression, "look."  
  
Shinji placed his hands on the wall, carefully edging his left eye around the corner to peer into the kitchen.  
  
"You see?" Asuka asked urgently when he pulled his head back a moment later.  
  
For the first time in many weeks, the two Children found themselves communicating like a team. They exchanged a nod, their expressions turning grim as they solemnly shook hands.  
  
"Let's do it," Asuka said firmly, feeling a smile threatening to surface.  
  
"Full power," Shinji mused, "Maximum performance."  
  
Together, the two pilots took a deep breath, and strode into uncertainty.  
  
%%%%%%%%  
  
  
Katsuragi Misato looked up as her two charges entered the kitchen. "Hey guys," she said easily, positioning her body carefully to block their line of sight. "Merry Christmas."  
  
"We know, Misato," Shinji said softly.  
  
Misato shrugged. "I wasn't trying to hide anything," she said evasively.  
  
"Why did you do it?" Asuka demanded quietly. "Did you think we wouldn't find out?"  
  
"I don't know what you mean," Misato said sternly, "and I don't like the tone of your voice!"  
  
Shinji cleared his throat.  
  
"Misato?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"They're burning."  
  
"Crap!"  
  
The two Children watched in uneasy wonder as their guardian whirled around, grabbing the hotpad she had been concealing behind her back, and quickly pulled a skillet off of the stove, fanning it with her free hand. She stopped suddenly, taking a closer look at the contents of the pan.  
  
"Hey," she said with some confusion, "these aren't burned!"  
  
"I know."  
  
Misato glanced over her shoulder, frowning as Shinji folded his arms over his chest and met her gaze.  
  
"I just said that so you would stop pretending."  
  
Asuka copied Shinji's pose. "Of course," she said reasonably, "we could smell it all through the house."  
  
Misato sighed, turning back to regard the pan. "Alright," she murmured, "you found me out."  
  
The teens stepped closer, angling for a better look. "Good thing we got here when we did," Asuka said, "who knows how they could have come out."  
  
"There's a stack over by the fridge," Misato whispered, her voice oddly shameful, "it took me three batches to get them right. I've been up since 6:00."  
  
The Children's eyes met. "Do you want me to call a doctor?" Shinji asked, looking up at the woman.  
  
Misato looked from one teen to the other. "I'm not sick!" she exclaimed. "I can cook in my own house!!"  
  
Like an attorney bearing damning evidence, Asuka strode over to the fridge and retrieved the plate, carrying it back over to Misato and holding it out for her inspection. "You can cook anywhere you want," she said sarcastically, "but you don't - you let Shinji do it. And even when you DO cook, it's never anything like, like THIS!"  
  
Six eyes studied the plate, whereupon sat an irregular, but nicely browned, stack of pancakes.  
  
Misato sighed.  
  
"It's Christmas," she pointed out softly, putting the skillet back on the stove.  
  
"And that's an explanation?" Asuka said incredulously, setting the plate on the table.  
  
"Well," Shinji said reluctantly, "they look good."  
  
Asuka's jaw dropped as Misato thanked him, smiling happily. "What is with you?" she demanded. "You know just as well as I do how weird this is!" She closed her mouth as Shinji blushed and averted his eyes. "I see how it is," she sniffed, "that's fine - you chose your side, Third Child. Of course I shouldn't be surprised, I know you think you're better than me." She folded her arms. "And another thing," she said angrily, "where do you get off…"  
  
"What's wrong?" Shinji asked when Asuka abruptly stopped talking.  
  
"Why are you wearing her pendant?"  
  
Shinji looked down at his chest, following Asuka's finger. "Oh," he said belatedly. "That."  
  
"Yeah that!" Asuka snapped, glancing from Misato to Shinji with suddenly suspicious eyes. "Are you two sleeping together or something?"  
  
"Asuka!" Misato cried, rounding on the girl. "That is unacceptable!" She planted her fists on her hips. "Apologize to Shinji."  
  
This, Shinji decided, was a stranger turn of events than Misato cooking. Certainly she had stuck up for him before, but in his opinion, if the joke involved sexual innuendo, Misato was all for it. It just seemed to him that this was the way she was. But to have her snap at Asuka for what could easily be seen as a valid question - especially in light of him having Misato's valued cross on - just seemed so out of character.  
  
He looked to Asuka, finding his own surprise mirrored in her features a moment before her face contorted with rage.  
  
"Sorry," she snapped.  
  
Shinji nodded. "It's ok."  
  
Asuka left without another word, stomping back to her room with her fists swinging at her sides, reminding Shinji of a determined marathon runner approaching the finish line. There was a moment of silence in the kitchen, then the sound of Asuka's door slamming resounded through the apartment, making Shinji and Misato both flinch.  
  
Had Shinji been facing Misato at that moment, he might have seen and questioned the look of uncertainty that flashed across the woman's features. When he did glance at her, however, all he saw was a kind smile. "I'll talk to her later," she assured him.  
  
"You will?" Shinji asked with some confusion.  
  
"Yes," Misato said, an oddly disturbing note of chipperness in her voice. "After breakfast."  
  
Shinji frowned, wondering if he had indeed followed through with his plan to kill himself the night before, and this was some odd sort of afterlife. "What time are you going to work?" he asked her quietly, choosing to put the Asuka issue aside for the time being and taking a seat at the table.  
  
"I called in!" Misato replied proudly. "I thought we could hang out."  
  
Shinji rubbed his eyes.  
  
"What are you doing?" Misato asked curiously.  
  
"Nothing," Shinji murmured, blinking as he realized that this was not a dream.  
  
A dream, of course, would be the most logical explanation. Misato was not an awful person, of course, but she was not the most open and affectionate either. There was the promise she had made him the night before, he thought, but to his recollection it did not include pancakes and hangout time.  
  
"I got syrup," Misato offered suddenly, picking up a spatula and turning back to the pan. "The real stuff, too, not imitation."  
  
"Wow," Shinji murmured, finding himself actually impressed. "That stuff's expensive."  
  
"Don't I know it!" Misato exclaimed, lifting the edge of the pancake to inspect its underside. "But it was worth it."  
  
"Why's that?"  
  
When Misato made no immediate reply, Shinji decided to let it go - for the time being, at least. He reached up and wrapped his right hand around the pendent, staring down at the table as Misato continued cooking. After her present, he reasoned, why push? What good would it do to make her uncomfortable and give him exact reasons for her odd behavior when she had quite literally saved his life?  
  
In silence, he waited for her to finish cooking.  
  
%%%%%%%%  
  
Asuka stared up at her ceiling, thinking about the day's events.  
  
Of course Shinji had betrayed her. Of course. She was not really sure why it even surprised her. She always knew that he was spineless, but she had thought for a minute, just for a minute, that he was going to stand up and call Misato on her strange behavior. But no, the hero was too weak, even with her standing at his side. And then after the pancake fiasco, they had gone 'out for the day.'  
  
The two of them! Together!  
  
It was disgusting. They had invited her to come with, acting as if she actually wanted to spend time with them, but she could see that they did not really want her to go. She had turned them down cold, reminding them both rather vocally of what she thought of them. She had been trying to maintain at least a semblance of decorum around the apartment, what with it being the holidays, but the invitation had been a step too far.  
  
Asuka was just too tired.  
  
"Nineteen percent," she whispered to herself. "They're going to replace me."  
  
Only one sync test remained between her being Second Child and just plain Asuka. God how she hated the very thought! Shinji would gloat. Yes, she decided, Shinji would gloat when she was not looking and then show her nothing but soft apologies when she was facing him.  
  
Growling with anger, Asuka yanked herself off of her bed. "Hungry," she muttered to herself.  
  
Not that this was a terrible surprise, considering that she had skipped breakfast and lunch.  
  
"Hope there's something besides beer in the fridge," she grumped. "I don't think Misato stopped drinking it like she said she did."  
  
She opened her door, meaning to head to the kitchen and scrounge something to eat before she passed out, but she found Shinji standing on the other side.  
  
Covering her shock with anger, she snapped, "What do you want?"  
  
Shinji's right hand was clenched around the cross that was now his, and his left was holding a small styrofoam container. When he spoke, it was obviously with great difficulty. "I wanted to talk to you," he said slowly, holding the box out the girl, "I brought you something to eat."  
  
Taking a deep breath to keep from slapping the leftovers out of Shinji's hand, Asuka brushed past him. "I don't need your charity," she said coldly. She strode into the kitchen, catching the fact that Misato's door was closed from the corner of her eye. "Why are you following me?" she demanded as, a moment later, Shinji came into the kitchen.  
  
"I wanted to give you your food," Shinji said uncomfortably.  
  
"I told you I don't want it," Asuka replied angrily, yanking the fridge open. "Go away."  
  
Shinji set the box on the table, but did not leave.  
  
"What?" Asuka growled, slamming the fridge closed. "Did you have fun with Misato?" she asked cruelly. "Just the two of you, out on the town. Must have been great!"  
  
"We wanted you there," Shinji said quietly.  
  
Asuka noticed that his hand was still wrapped around the pendant. "Yeah right," she shook her head. "Misato just felt stupid for getting us stupid presents, and she thought she could make up for it by bribing us with a 'good time.' Well, I'm sorry that I wasn't stupid enough to fall for it like you, Third Child."  
  
Shinji looked down at the box, unable to reply to the accusation as Asuka opened one of the cupboards and grabbed a can of peaches.  
  
"You're still here," Asuka pointed out, setting the can on the countertop and opening one of the drawers. "Didn't I tell you to go away?"  
  
She frowned as Shinji said nothing, grabbing the can opener and a fork out of the drawer. Who cared if they actually wanted her there - really? The more she thought about it, the angrier she became, until she found her body shaking with barely contained rage. Just one more comment, she thought, one more apology or platitude and she would explode. Was it not enough that she was slowly losing hold of everything that mattered to her? Now she had to endure pity as well.  
  
"Asuka."  
  
"Shut up!!" Asuka exploded, whirling on the stunned boy. "I'm sick of your pathetic apologies, and listening to your phoniness - do you hear me? I can't STAND you pretending anymore. God damn it all, can't you just be real?? I know you think you're better, so just say it already!!" She stood in glorious rage, feeling as if her body was burning with it. Let him apologize again, she thought with a perverse sense of triumph, I dare him. The very moment he said one word, she would lay into him again. And again. And again - until this foolish, foolish boy realized how deeply she disliked him. As she waited, her eyes took him in. His left hand was clenching into a fist, over and over, the way it always did when he was agitated.  
  
The way it had when she kissed him.  
  
The rest of his body was ramrod-straight, and his other hand grasped Misato's cross pendent so tightly that the knuckled were white. The knuckles were white, and, "You're bleeding."  
  
If Shinji heard her soft, slightly stunned observation, he made no indication. His eyes were fixed on the box of take-home food he had ordered, taking great care to select something he knew she would like, but they held a vaguely unfocused look. In all honesty, he was not even aware of the edges of the cross digging into his skin. His mind was too occupied going back over the time he had spent with Misato. He recalled the stiffness of her kind words and the tension around her eyes, as if she had made a bet or deal with someone to see how nice she could be, and she was afraid she wasn't doing so well.  
  
But as kind as Misato had been, Shinji could not forget Asuka. She should have been with them, he thought, she should have been at the movie and the little diner they had lunch in. She would have like the mall they went to, he decided firmly, and she definitely would have liked the restaurant they ate dinner in - especially since Shinji had chosen it specifically for its top-flight German and American cuisine. Yes, Asuka should have been there to hear Misato's odd, kind words. She might have changed her mind about Misato acting strangely if she had heard the gentleness in the woman's voice. It was strange, of course, to hear Misato talking like that, but it had been rather nice, all things considered.  
  
Abruptly, Shinji came to his senses, releasing the cross and relaxing his other hand. He opened his mouth, trying to tell Asuka all the events of the day, hoping perhaps that she would relent and agree that Misato's behavior was not so strange. Instead, the same word that seemed so common came from his barely parted lips.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Asuka's confused mixture of anger and concern only grew as a single, impossibly bright drop of blood dripped from Shinji's wounded hand, landing on the linoleum tabletop with a soft plop. She could not make herself speak, though, as Shinji offered her a slight bow and turned away, heading to his room and entering in silence.  
  
To Be Continued  
  
Final Notes - This story is a bit of an experiment for me in two ways. First, it is a sequel to my prior fanfictions The Best Present (in which Shinji's life is saved by a timely gift from Misato) and Rei's Secret (in which Asuka learns that Rei is more than she appears to be). Second, this is my first attempt at a multiple chapter story. I plan on making this approximately 4 eight-page chapters, released about a month apart. I am basing this decision on the fact that it took me one month to write this chapter. I do have a personal life, and a job, so a one-month timeframe is simply an estimate. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I always welcome constructive comments and feedback at misatokaji2002@yahoo.com.  
  
Thank you.  
-MK 


End file.
